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TITLE: Household of God: A Matter of Trust – Ephesians 5:21-33 AIM: See how submission works in the marriage relationship. INTRO: You/I as the church have a very unique & imp opportunity before us. That opportunity lies in our marriages. Whether newly married or 50+ years, the opportunity remains. If widowed or divorced, the opportunity becomes one of support, in prayer & encouragement. If not married, but plan to be some day, you will have the opportunity to learn well & follow Christ. As you know, efforts have been made to redefine marriage to include what the Bible doesn’t. These efforts may be well meaning, but they’re misguided. What’s imp is what God thinks. And, sadly, marriages in the church end up in divorce at nearly the same rate as those outside the church. Marriage is in trouble, and we should be gravely concerned, because of what’s at stake. Christian marriages are (or should be) much different than other marriages. In a Christian marriage, there is much more at stake than the lives of 2 people or even the individual family. The opportunity we have in the church, in our marriage relationships is to point others to Christ thru our marriages. Marriage was designed by God for oneness, & to reflect the relationship of oneness between Christ & His bride, the Church. That truth is very much expressed in our text this morning. Theme: HofG – understanding from Scripture that we who are in Christ are together the HofG, & trying to understand from Scripture all that means to be HofG. Following up last week’s message, I would say to you that members of God’s household submit to one another out of reverential fear of Christ. I would further suggest to you that this submission to one another can be seen, perhaps at its best (or worst), in the marriage relationship, in God’s design for marriage. Eph.5:21-33 [READ]. Once again, it’s under the influence of the Holy Spirit that we are enabled to submit to one another. That word submit means “to place one’s self under,” meaning that you put the other person 1st, ahead of yourself, or you recognize when another has been given authority over you & you willingly place yourself under that authority. Ray Stedman made an interesting statement when he said that Eph.5:21 holds the “divine solution to all problems in human conflict, which is the recognition of 2 powerful & transforming factors: 1) Life is so constructed that we cannot find fulfillment w/out another person involved. We’re not made to fulfill ourselves; we can only do it if we seek to attain the benefits of another. 2) We can only do this when we see the 3rd party present in each situation – the Lord Jesus Christ. It’s not me against you, you/me; it really is a matter of my relationship w/Christ & obedience to His word/will.” That’s essentially what Paul was saying in Eph.5:21 – we’re to submit to one another “out of reverence for Christ.” That wd reverence is really fear, but it’s fear compatible w/love. If we’re justified by faith, we have peace w/God, & tho God is awesome/awful, as His children we need not be afraid of Him. We can enter His presence w/assurance, boldness, knowing that we will always be received & receive mercy & grace. If you don’t know God, you should be afraid, because He is the holy & righteous Judge &, according to Scripture, “a consuming fire” (Heb.12:29). But for Christians, the fear of the Lord is the fear of disappointing Him, of grieving Him, because we love Him who 1st loved us (at least that’s how it should be). And this fear/reverence is to be our motivation for submission to one another – it’s because our Lord calls us to it. It’s a matter of relationship w/Christ. It’s a matter of loving obedience. It’s a matter of trust in the One who died for us, rose again, lives w/in us by His Spirit, & is coming again to gather us to Himself in His eternal kingdom. Now, then, Paul began in vss22-33 to make specific application of this general principle of submission to one another. Here’s how it should look in the marriage relationship. Stedman stated his opinion, w/which I agree, that “the husband is to be subject to the wife as much as the wife to the husband. The manner will differ according to sex, but the principle is the same for each.” So, Paul wrote, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” The word submit is not actually in the original in vs22, but it refers back to the previous vs. Literally it reads, “wives, your husbands.” But the subject is clear – it’s submission. Wives, here’s what you’re to do w/this matter of submission. Note it doesn’t say submit to every man, but to your own husband. Nowhere does the Bible call for women to submit to all men, unless they are in positions of authority. It’s relational. Because you, wife, have this relationship in marriage, submit to your husband. Understand however, your primary relationship is not to your husband, but to Christ. If your Lord has placed you under the authority of your husband, trust Him & obey Him. That’s the crux of the matter, is it not? Do you trust your Savior/Lord? Yield to your husband’s leadership, headship, because you’re yielding 1st to the Lord’s leadership, headship. The husband is head of the wife as Christ is head of the Church, His body; He our Savior. As the Church we have but one head, Jesus. But unless the body cooperates w/the head, nothing gets done, by God’s design. The Church is to follow the lead of our head, cooperate w/Him. Even so, God has established only 1 head in a marriage relationship/ family – the husband. Wives are to cooperate w/the leadership of their husbands & together act & move, for the good of the family & marriage, & for the glory of God. And, you are to submit “in everything.” The only obvious exception to that is moral wrong. Certainly a wife should not steal or murder or lie, etc. because her husband wants her to, but “in everything” seems to mean everything w/that 1 exception. Wives, stop looking for loopholes! Trusting God & reverencing Christ, place yourself under your husband & his leadership. That doesn’t mean you become his slave or that you’re inferior in any way. Recently saw a depiction of what the world thinks wives submitting to their husbands means: woman kneeling before husband, holding his hand & filing fingernails. Meant to be derogatory. Doesn’t mean walking 2 paces behind, as do in some cultures. But it does mean following husbands lead, trusting God to lead him & trusting him to lead you/family. And it means putting your husband 1st, honoring him, serving him in ways you can. Best example – my mom. Now, my dad would help get a meal ready on special occasions, at least – peel potatoes, make mashed potatoes, stuff like that. But, once meal was ready, he sat down at his usual place at head of table & my mom would fill & bring his plate to him, get his drink. As matter of fact she never sat down until all of us had our food. My 2 oldest brothers married women who were similarly raised & they would bring their plates to them. Andi: “Don’t be expecting that from me!” And I don’t. But that was one of many ways my mom always honored Pop & served him (he served her in other ways as well). Andi serves & honors me, too, in many ways, just not bringing my plate to the table. Mom always put Pop 1 st - she was no slouch – she ruled the roost in many ways, but she put Pop 1st & served him. She appreciated his long, hard work to provide for family. Together they made decisions. Pop seemed to take the lead in major matters, but Mom wielded quite a bit of influence. “Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord.” Serve & honor & respect him as you would serve/honor/ respect Christ. Your willing submission to your husband may be a good gauge of your submission to Christ! Next Paul admonished, “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” It’s very imp to note that Christ’s love was a self-sacrificing love, which He showed by giving Himself up to shame & death on behalf of His bride, the Church. That’s how husbands are to love their wives, w/the same self-sacrificing love shown by our giving up ourselves for our wives – to death if necessary, certainly to the death/laying down of our wants/rights to serve our wives/families. It’s not about “me,” but about “us.” That’s how our submission to our wives is to be exhibited, by our giving ourselves away, serving them in love. It means taking the responsibility of leadership which most of us would gladly give over to our wives & then grumble about it. It means leading by serving. Stedman pointed out that “Jesus’ life-giving was not w/out purpose. He gave Himself for us/the Church 1)That might sanctify us/her (“having cleansed her by the washing of water w/the Word”); 2)That might present the church to Himself in splendor (w/out spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy & w/out blemish); & 3)That He might fulfill the mystery of His own being, becoming one w/His body, the Church (because we are members of His body). And, Stedman continued, “The same goals apply to the husband in regard to his wife.” Husbands are to 1) Sanctify our wives. Sanctify means to set apart for special use, or “to put to the proper use.” Husbands, we are to help our wives fulfill their womanhood. Wives, God’s design for you, at least according to Stedman, is 2-fold: A) be a suitable helper to your husband. Doesn’t mean you’re not your own person, but you are to be a completer, if you will. A husband is not complete w/out his wife (& vice-versa). So husbands, we are to let our wives help us, complete us. Don’t exclude your wife from what you’re trying to do or from any part of your life. We’re not very good at this & many wives are deprived. We need to let them into our lives. Talk to your wife – give yourself up, share w/her, discuss decisions w/her, seek her help. Andi, I want to be better at that – forgive me. And husbands, don’t exclude yourself from your wife’s life or your family. Be involved. Husbands, we should open the doors of opportunity for our wives to help us, walk/work w/us, as God leads us. B) Contribute beauty to life, in form, figure & spirit. Wouldn’t life be terribly void & ugly w/out women/our wives? Wives/all women should seek to exhibit the beauty of Jesus, a gentle & quiet spirit (I Pet.3 – doesn’t mean not talking, but being loving/calm in contributing to the husband/family). And husbands should contribute to the development of this Christ-like beauty in our wives by speaking/ sharing the Word of God together. Don’t leave to your wives the responsibility of the spiritual nurture of the home. Take responsibility for the spiritual welfare of your wife/family. We have shirked this for far too long. Stedman continues by saying that the husband, following Jesus’ example, is to also 2) Glorify his wife (present her to himself in splendor). Husbands, we are to honor our wives, in the family circle & outside the home as well. We ought to delight in our wives & compliment her in private & before others. We ought to be, in Stedman’s words, “infallibly courteous.” We ought to avoid criticism (doesn’t mean not lovingly discussing matters of concern) – words that cut, wound. Avoid any degrading (goes for the wife as well). Husbands, we should seek to recognize & treat wives as beautiful gift from God they are. What wife doesn’t want that? 3) Husbands are to love our wives by fulfilling the mystery of our being one flesh. Husbands are to love their wives, Paul said, as our own bodies – nourishing & cherishing her. Just as we are to put off the old self, learn to think new, & put on the new self in Christ, in the same way we are to leave our parents/ siblings & cleave to our wives – really does require a new way of thinking – putting our spouses/family 1st before our birth family. Wife is intimate part of the husband (& vice-versa) – he can’t help but care for, nurture, cherish, serve. What hurts the wife hurts/damages the husband. Why do we do this to ourselves? We should do everything w/in our ability to bless our wives & lead them in the way God would have us go as couple/family. Now again, Paul was purposefully bringing 2 thoughts together, not only talking about the marriage relationship of husband/wife, but also about the relationship between Christ & His Church. Our marriages should look like the relationship between Christ & the Church, & point others to Christ! Our marriages should be a witness to the world that Jesus lives & makes a difference in our relationships. This is the ideal, for which we need the help of the Holy Spirit. We must be filled w/the Spirit, under His influence, if we would be the husband or wife He would have us be & if we would point to Christ thru our marriage relationship. Note the final injunction in vs33. “Let each one of you love His wife as himself, & let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Each one is responsible to be obedient & reverent to Christ by submitting to one another – wife to husband, husband to wife, each in the manner described by Paul – regardless of what the other does or what others do. It’s a matter of relationship w/Christ, of obedience to Him, & trust – trusting Him. Do it His way! We are the Household of God!